gone

So she is gone and the only way i can deal with that is by sitting very still and breathing and remembering that this is all maya this is all passing this is all illusion. It has been three years now and she is still gone her absence has not changed has not grown it is a constant it will always be a constant the only constant. So i breathe and I count and when i get to the space where even the counting stops then i know and i am relieved for a while until my thoughts start again my attachments come back online my needs and desires take hold. I want to sit and sit and sit like Siddartha but i don't have a tree and i have so many excuses and maybe I even like my attachments.

The Four Noble Truths:

life is suffering

the cause of suffering is known

suffering can be bought to an end

following the eightfold path is a practice that ends suffering